Take the time
The mirror showed a different reflection, one that I never used to see but one that was now familiar to me. A reflection that is more ‘me’ than it ever had been in the past; that reflection felt just that bit more accurate. On the surface, that mirror reflected everything accurately, it reflected my skin exactly as it were, and it reflected my blue eyes in complete precision, my hair in its true form. What one saw by glance was exactly that. What they saw.
Beyond that surface was something else being reflected. It showed me to a more detailed level; me to a level that could not be seen just by appearance alone. Those blue eyes, that white skin, that dark hair, it was all irrelevant, all far less detailed in comparison. It could be easy for me to say that I am still the same as I have always been; that I am now what I was five years ago, or even longer than that. It could be easy. If I were to be ignorant; if I were to be deluded.
Do I feel worse off now than I did before; am I different for the bad rather than the good? I didn’t believe so. I didn’t see so. Being how I was before was necessary though, vital and the very reason I was who and what my reflection showed today. The question stood openly for people to ask, “Who are you, what are you today?†The question would never be answered. At least, it wasn’t going to be me who provided them with the answer. Not in the conventional sense, at least.
The question can be asked, and the question always is asked. It isn’t that there isn’t an answer, or that I do not know what the answer is (for I always see the answer every time I take the time to think about it, every time I take the time to see that reflection); but rather, the question isn’t meant to be answered by me. It is the questioner who will eventually be answering their own question. They just have to take the time to see that reflection themselves.
Is it the same reflection I see, though? I cannot say. The reflection can and does differ from person to person; perhaps the reflection is very similar from person to person but often details vary. Then there are those moments where the reflection is entirely different from what I see, or from what others see. Who, what I am could be answered, I could answer the question but at the risk of tainting the vision of others.
My reflection continues to look back at me and asks not to give answer. That reflection requests those who matter to find the answer themselves. It is then that I notice my reflection is craftier than it used to be; that reflection has tests, methods of drawing observations and conclusions, its own way of finding accuracy into what it sees and how it chooses to respond. There are those who have found that answer, and even fewer who have found the accurate answer.
I speak and I explain.
Never will I answer.
It is now that most ask themselves if their own answer is the accurate one. It is now that you understand that you know me better than anyone.
You were provoked by Vittra at 1:12 am | 12 opinions »
October 25th, 2005
Ooh those were sweet words, Matt. Well done.
For me… I’m trying to learn to accept myself as a continuum of people, rather than any one person. Its a real trick of the mind, but I think if I can do it, things will become much clearer.
October 25th, 2005
Matt is grasping, albeit clumsily, at an idea that I have been refining for a long time now… that you are who you are, and then you are also who I think you are, and who he thinks you are… there is reality, but then, there is the reality you experience, I experience, and he experiences.
These can all be true, they are all true, but also varied. Its a fact of life that we interpret each other differently. And indeed, leaving room for people to surprise you is one of life’s greatest joys.
October 25th, 2005
It doesn’t matter if my answer is accurate for you or not. I know how you think you look, but I see you in a different light.
You are much bigger than your reflection is to me, and it is not at a singular moment; it’s all the time.
October 25th, 2005
Do you, really?
Have I ever said what it is I think?
Wouldn’t that be giving the answer to the question I said I won’t answer, because it may taint the vision of others?
October 25th, 2005
You don’t always have to say what you think for others to see.
October 25th, 2005
True enough, but it doesn’t mean they will know what I think when I don’t say anything.
October 25th, 2005
Saying nothing is not an option. As long as you’re saying something, even if it has nothing to do with yourself, I think I can tell.
I never know exactly what you’re thinking anyway, and I don’t care to. Ambiguity is an adventure, too.
October 25th, 2005
I assume that you mean varied in type. I would also go as far as to say that they vary in how true each interpretation is. Remember when one of my entries spoke about having barriers, defenses and being guarded, observant? That ‘hardass’ interpretation would be less true than the interpretation others who ‘passed’ have.
October 25th, 2005
I’m listening..
October 25th, 2005
I miss the great deal to pick up on the little things that eventually add up to be the point of it all.
As much as they would like to deny it, women are like that.
Let the denial begin..
October 25th, 2005
if you are only listening, you are missing a great deal prick. isn’t that the point of this?
November 2nd, 2005
Knowing who the ‘you’ is directed toward sparks a bit of jealousy in me, but I suppose it’s for the best that there is only one who knows you completely, thereby being your ‘other half’, as clichéed as that may be.