Untamed

I’m spending some time trying to perfect my comedic abilities, seeing that several people now have mentioned how funny I apparently am and how I should be a stand-up comedian. For a first attempt, I’m actually pretty impressed with myself. So don’t be stealing my material, you wankers!

You know what really gets on my nerves? Those snooty bastards on cable Internet connections. Yeah, you know the type; the ones that always come to see you the next day and talking about how their game was lagging when playing an online sever with a few hundred people. “My connection was lagging so much, it was nearly intolerable. How was your night online?” – Well, I wouldn’t fucking know, would I? By the time I loaded Google, four hours had passed and my dial-up connection had dropped. Bastards.

What’s even more amazing is when they start talking about how they’ve exceeded their download limit and they’re shaped down to dial-up speeds. They’re standing there, counting their hundreds of dollars mindlessly in front of you and saying, “I was trying to load something last night, and things were dropped to 29kb per second. It was taking far too long”. Yeah, that’s horrible, spending just a few days of the months being shaped down to dial-up speeds; never mind that I’m a poor, struggling comedian that can’t even afford one fucking hour of cable, your life is completely more worse in comparison to mine.

If only I could have an Internet connection that acted like a penis extension, just like the rest of them.